The last time I published a blog post was back in December 2022.
It's been almost a year, you can tell I'm not great at maintaining a blog. To be honest, for a while I wasn't too great at maintaining myself, let alone a blog or a website.

I guess what brings me here now is knowing that very soon a day I have been dreaming of for years is fast approaching...
Since removing Origin from Amazon (what had been the very first draft of book one in the Jackson J Tales) after deciding I wanted to completely rewrite it, I have been working my arse off on different stories.

Let me start by explaining WHY I removed Origin from the marketplace.

• It was the first unedited draft of book one of The Jackson J Tales - and for authors out there reading this, yes, I have to live with that mistake for the rest of my life. Because they know better than anyone to NEVER release a first draft of anything as a final draft. In my defense, I was young, inexperienced, had no sustinable income at the time to afford an editor who could help me shape this story. I was too eager. My bad.
• My second reason: I ended up finding myself an editor while I was working on book two of the JJ Tales who helped me through multiple drafts and revisions of book 2, which had become incredibly DIFFERENT from the world I had created in book one (Origin). So I had decided that I had to rewrite book one to shape it into the world I had dicovered in book 2. (Yes...believe it or not, I wrote in REVERSE order - and I'm NEVER doing it again lol

So, it took a few years for me to get book 2 completely written which reached over 200K words. So here I was, with book two done, full edited, polished. Then there was the ship wreck of Origin which needed a miracle. So I painstakingly began re-writing Origin (now named Pirate's Vow).
In the end, it also fell in the 200K word count even after two revisions. That's a big book....biiiig.
So, I decided to split the book into two. Stay with me now.
Kindle Direct Publishing won't accept manuscripts over 828 pages, so yeah...I had to split it. Which explains the cliff hanger ending too. 
And guess what? Yeah...book two had to be split too.
So here I am having to make big adult decisions, and I'm happy with the decisions, don't get me wrong! It's just adulting is hard lol
I should also add that in between writing these books, I took a break to work on writing other projects in order to not overwork my brain...so I dabbled in trying contemporary romance, which I did really enjoy and still do but for personal reasons I chose not to publish the WIP I had spent a good couple years on.

Life happened. I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression and had two breakdowns in two years, I was at my lowest point in my life, I deactivated my social media accounts, I dropped contact with friends, I was off work, I honestly shut myself away from everyone and everything and just didn't want to exist any more (thankfully I had my mother and a few close friends I could trust to remind me that they were waiting on the other side for me). Honestly, it was a dark place and time for me and I learnt a lot about myself.

It took a lot to claw my way out of this coffin of despair, took even longer for me to swim to the surface and finally draw in breath and come back to reality. By the time I could breathe again, I felt like I had to re-integrate back into the world. It was the scariest, hardest thing to do. Being afraid of being judged by co-workers, looking at myself in the mirror and seeing a shadow of myself and not the person I used to be. It was hard and painful. 
And during all of that, not once had I written. Nor had the urge to write. I'd lost my passion, my drive, my creativity. And for a while I resented myself for losing my gift.
But then one day...I found breadcrumbs. I followed them and found that my old self had left me clues and reminders of myself. I know it all sounds crazy but the good news is...I'm here.

It was this year January when I resurfaced. I went on a self love journey (which I'm still going through), re-connected with my faith and felt the desire to write. That's when I found my way back to Pirate's Vow and dedicated months to finally getting it out into the world. And HERE WE ARE!

The only social media platforms I currently use would be Instagram and Pinterest (sometimes). I find social media to be quite toxic so I've decided to not re-activate my other accounts for my own mental wellbeing. So if you ever want news on upcoming books in the JJ Tales and you have insta, feel free to give me a follow! 

Pirate's Vow is now due to release on November 3rd 2023! And I am super excited!! Yay!!

I can't wait to share this with you all! I'm so proud of how far it's come!

The point of me sharing all of the above with you is so that I could offer an explanation as to where I've been, why I've been quiet, just 'why' for any reader who asks it.
But also I hope that this post reaches someone who is or has been struggling for a while mentally, physically or creatively. I hope that they are left with some hope that whatever storms you're facing, you'll come out of it alive. You'll piece yourself back together eventually. And if you do have something you've dreamt of doing, you'll get the courage and strength to do it - I believe in you.

And if curiousity ever gets the best of you, then maybe you may even find yourself reading Pirate's Vow and getting stuck in the madness with me! 

Either way, I'm glad to be back, and in action.

With love,
Sab Xx
​

Welcome to the Advent Calendar Story Train, where you can read through 24 stories under the theme The Gift. Thank you for reading today's story. The next one will be available to read on December 17th, titled "A Christmas Wish".  The link will be active tomorrow when the post goes live.
If you missed yesterday's you can go and read it here.

Israni pulled apart the shoji doors of her two-storey Japanese Minka house and absorbed the sight of thick virgin snow covering the vast garden which had been thriving with vibrant colours just yesterday. Like every year, first snow fall came without fail under the cover of night to present itself in its beauty and glory at first light.

She bent down to slip on her straw boots, her long black silky hair fell over her shoulder and brushed the wooden deck. Today was the first day of winter and Israni was well-prepared for the long season in which she thrived in. She may not have the helpful hands of her daughter, Chinatsu again this year, but that was alright. A Goddess’ work never stopped.

Every step she took turned the snow beneath her feet to ice, the tiny spikes on the bottom of her boots, gripping the solid surface for support. She gracefully descended the wooden steps of her home to the vast courtyard of white, making headway for the largest tree in the centre, a Sakura willow untouched by snow, gleaming with power and position. The mortal prayer tree.

With the days creeping closer to winter, the buds had slowly begun to open as whispered pleas and requests were uttered from human lips for her gracious support in the toughest season of the year. Now the tree had fully bloomed, each flower glowing with reverence and beauty and she would nurture each one.

Israni waved a hand, summoning her winter spirit friends, wisps of willing souls who had long lost their way in the afterlife whom she had taken under her wing. The spirits, once human being, took the form of animals they would one day be reincarnated into in their second life.

“Dear ones, it’s time to get to work.” Israni smiled at them softly, “we have a lot of prayers to answer.”
A variety of heads bowed, a stag, wolf, deer, fox, cat, dog, mouse, snake, crane. Many gracious creatures with warm hearts in her cold climate domain. Another smile tugged at her mouth as the memory of a very young Chinatsu seeing the spirits for the first time and gleefully playing with two of the hare spirits.

Israni raised her head and gently handled one of the willow strands, reading the devotions carefully. As she did, she called out the first order to the spirits. “The southern village families are having trouble obtaining coal for their fires, please deliver the stocks with haste. And give every household ten kabocha squash, bags of rice, potatoes and beans.”

There was a shuffling of crunching snow behind her as the spirits scattered to collect the items from storage to journey to the mortal realm. Israni was already on the second branch reading from top to bottom before giving the next order. “Crane, Wolf, a little boy has lost his sight and his will to live. South of his home, you will find a bag of abandoned puppies by the river, bring them to him and his family, they will be his eyes, lifelong companions, and restoration of hope.”

“Bear, Stag, the eastern pond has frozen, three elderly families do not have the tools to break it to fish, break the ice, and take my warming stones to keep the area free from frost.”

Over eighty orders later, Israni went to her field and harvested her cultivated vegetables and crops with the help of the squirrels as the spirits rushed back and forth to fulfil all the prayers as efficiently as possible. A pile of offerings had been brought by some spirits from the shrine, sentimental objects and coins from the mortals who worshipped her. It warmed her heart to know she was thought of, but she didn’t need their possessions. Their faith alone was a gift.

A quiet mew from behind had Israni turning to smile at the cat spirit who carried a pouch in its mouth. She gestured it forward. “What do you have?”

The cat dropped the silk pouch into her palm, the scent of lavender and lemon teased her nose before three small pink lotus sweets tumbled out. She blinked in surprise. She hadn’t made sweets like these since Chinatsu had been a child.

“Where did you get these?” She asked the spirit softly, petting the purring feline. The cat prowled away slowly back on the path towards the house, looking over its shoulder to beckon her to follow. 

Israni picked up her woven baskets full of squash, rice stalks, spring onion and potatoes. There was an extra eager stride in her step up the pathway, her heart pounding with curiosity when the spirits stop working to bow as she passed.

Her eyes flickered to the shoji doors and there in the doorway stood Chinatsu wearing a white and pink haori. Israni froze in place, the baskets falling from her grasp, wondering if she was really seeing her after all these years. Duty and distance had separated them for too long but seeing her child, healthy, in person, it brought tears to her eyes and had Israni’s legs moving fast.

There was no greater gift than holding her daughter close to her again, feeling the strength in her arms, the warmth from her body or the lotus fragrance on her coat. There were no words needed to express the love between a mother and child, and none were spoken as they embraced.

Israni pulled away at the feel of Chinatsu’s swollen belly, awash with sudden joy and anticipation. Chinatsu’s graceful smile and stroke of her stomach had her mother’s eyes welling with happy tears.  

“Your grandson, Kōsetsu.” Chinatsu announced proudly placing Israni’s hand on her baby bump. “Due this winter.”

“Snow fall.” Israni’s tears fell as she recognised the meaning in his name. And with that, she thanked the gods for granting her the greatest blessing in all her years as the Goddess of Abundance.

The strongest tree in her heart and home. Her family. 

It's rare for me to write so many blog posts in one go, but hey. I'd rather write 5 in a week than wait 6 months to write another one haha.

So I was talking with my dear friend and fellow romance writer Sarah Bailey a week ago now? (we talk all the time so I have no idea when exactly) and I described what being a romance writer felt like.

This had come about right when I had completed my current contemporary WIP and I was feeling pretty lost. So I described it as something like this:

Being a romance writer is like being a GP.
You have a waiting room full of characters waiting to be seen (written).
But those who come late want to be seen first. Everyone's impatient. Once you finally get around to actually discharging patients, new patients walk in with even bigger problems.
But you, as the GP (writer), need to prioritise. The only problem is you'll have one character who claims that their heart has been broken and they'll never be able to love again, so it in turn breaks your heart and you want to help them first. THEN you'll hear another character say how they don't even know why they're here to begin with, that they don't have a problem called 'love' because love has never touched them (this one is what I call an anti-hero/heroine, by the way), then you drop everything just to help that twisted character out before they hurt thenselves.

I think it's pretty much an accurate description. At least for me (and Sarah). We now often talk about our wait rooms, who needs to be seen and what the prioritise are and honestly? I find it quite fun to talk about it in that way.

To count, I currently have...in order of priority:

1. Noah & Kessie (they arrived 3rd)
2. Elliot & Devin (they arrived last)
3. Ken & Viera (they arrived 1st)
4. A secret couple - (they arrived 2nd)
A few pirates but no one has dropped from the airship yet to announce themselves

It kind of just goes to show how things never really according to plan regardless of who came about first. Sometimes it's about what's easier to tackle. Ken and Viera have always been my first patients but their problems are 'epic'. It'll take me a while to get them discharged...a long while. They're basically furniture (but pretty steampunk furniture).

It's our job as writers to listen to our characters' hearts and heal them, even if our own breaks along the way, the end is always rewarding.

I'll stop now, otherwise I'll just go on forever.
How many patients are in your waitroom? And do you have the same problem I do with prioritisation? I'd love to know!

​S.R

So this post is going to be a little bit...I don't know, should I say personal?
Insightful? Real?
It's something...but I do feel like I need to document it somewhere so why not my blog.

Since the world fell apart (that's no exaggeration), I've distanced myself immensely from social media. I tend to only go on there for author purposes but otherwise I've taken a step back and it's done me a world of good. And I'm enjoying it. Social media gets too loud for me. Especially now that there appears to be an increase of internet immigrants (because of course, what else is there to do now that people can't leave the house right?). I do feel like going on social media is like walking into one of Jay Gatsby's parties and not knowing what to do with yourself. You're just overwhelmed by the wave of voices, opinions and showiness that you just find yourself fading into the background or walking out feeling less about yourself. It can be really offputting and damaging.
I don't watch the news. I've never watched the news. 
I don't watch tv (as in actual television). It's just Netflix, Amazon Prime, Disney+ or Viki (for you K-Drama/C-Drama lovers) for me.

For a long while (what I deem long for me may differ for what's long for others) I was deficient in creativity - which was very painful for me. It triggered my anxiety, there were mild panic attacks, there were tears, self-confidence issues, depressive episodes.
I basically went through an existential crisis and I couldn't get out of it.
Because things were (and still are) all up in the air and uncertain. 

I'm doing better now. I've crawled out of that hole and dusting myself off. Maybe not as quickly as I should, but I'm taking my time with it. There are days still where I have moments of "I am a failure", "I'm inadequate in comparison to other writers", "I'll never be published" then there are moments where I feel happy about my small wins. No day is the same. I'll be on top today but tomorrow I may not be. I can't predict it. And it's not that easy to control either.

I tend to put a shameful amount of pressure on myself to be a 'good everything' to everyone. I want to be a good writer, friend, partner, child, employee. And I seem to do everything I can to get to the satisfactory level that I'm happy with...the only problem is, my 'satisfactory level' is all the way up in the clouds. I can never reach it. I'm my toughest opponent. Not sure why I'm such a harsh critic. I only know that I'm slowly learning how to combat that side and cut myself from slack. No one's perfect, right?

It's taken me time to recover, to accept that with life as it is now, it's okay to feel a multitude of emotions, to be sad, confused, angry and more. There are no rules. There's no easy way to play this game the universe is having right now.

I'm not sure how I managed to finish my second draft of my WIP. It just...happened. And when it was over, I felt a bit lost, empty and very scared (because I want my editor to love it as much as I do). But I didn't stay idle. I found myself diving back into my fantasy romance (the 3rd draft) and resuming editing. The day after that I had a chat with another editor and  started something brand new...and by brand new, I literally mean I started a WIP I never thought I would.
It's in 1st POV. This is a big deal for me only because I'm a strictly 3rd POV writer only. But as I was given the opportunity to write this new idea in either or, I chose 1st person and I've had great fun with it. I've sent some chapters to my editor to get some feedback, which I'll be recieving in a couple of weeks so we'll see what happens with that.

At the moment I'm just waiting for WIP feedback and slowly getting back into editing my fantasy romance. Some may say it's a huge achievement to be busying myself, however I see if quite differently. for me, I feel like I'm working behind schedule. Where I'm at now, I should have been last year. But again, this  high expectation/personal pressure is something I'm still trying to figure out.

Honestly, it's a constant battle (it always has been) but even more so during these uncertain times. There's no real point to this blog other than to be honest and to document a bit of realness. Writing is hard, it's never easy. Being a writer...it's a constant war with yourself. You feel bad if you aren't writing, and when you are, you doubt yourself. 
Even on your release day, which is meant to be an uncredibly exciting day for any writer, you feel anxious about the reviews. It's very very hard.

I'm still pretty much learner about myself as a writer and I do very much enjoy that growth. I love the lessons. I love the challenge. And I count on many more.
I don't think it hurts for me to impart a bit of advice for anyone struggling creatively so I'll say this:
No one can write like you can. No one sees the world the way you do. No one can write your story, so it's up to you. There will be one person out there who needs your story, who will say that it inspired them, taught them, entertained them. Think of them.

S.R
​

Hey guys!

So I've been slightly better this time with the space between writing new blog posts haha

Doesn't mean it'll stick though...but considering, you know, that the world is in a state of WTF, I don't think it really matters! (but enough about that)

I write this post today because I'm awful.
I FORGOT to announce that I co-host a romance podcast with the amazing Sarah Bailey (if you aren't following her already - why the hell not? she's awesome) and it's called Made In Romance.

And as you can imagine, it's basically all about romance books. We talk about romance tropes, our favourite reads, what we love/hate as well as other stuff to come. And we have guests join us for the fun too! It's great stuff!

If ever you did fancy a listen, here's how you can go about doing just that!

​Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbHCVn_It4dVWbIzW8vzbTQ
Spotify: https://anchor.fm/madeinromance

I hope enjoy the journey just as much as we do! 

S.R 

Officially I'm rubbish at keeping my blog up to date, let's be real.

My last blog post was in November 2019...guys, we're in March 2020, how did this happen?
Happy Christmas!
Happy New Year! 
Happy Valentine's day!
Happy Pancake Day!
Happy International Women's Day! 
I think I've covered them all? Have I? *thinking face* *tumble weed rolls by* *crickets*

Anywhoooo, I'll jump into my WIP progress (because this is the whole point of my blog):

• Submit draft 2 of current contemporary romance (Deadline March 2020)  
• Publish contemporary romance (Deadline mid 2020) 
• Finish new contemp romance project (deadline April 2020) 
• Return to editing book one of JJ Tales (ON HOLD) 

I've been working soooooo haaaard to meet my goals and I won't rest until I do! It's not as easy as it looks.

I wish I could say more...no really, I wish I had more to say in this blog lol but honestly, I just stopped by to update (for anyone remotely interested, that is).
It's not been the greatest start to the year for me, and I don't really want to go into it but I'm determined to turn this year around somehow (I know we've only just started 2020 but come on, work with me).

It's not all been bad...there are some things to look forward to on the horizon. One of which I'm keeping close to my chest right now but can't wait to share with you all once the time is right.

Anyway, that's it for now. HOPEFULLY I'll remember to update my blog soon with some exciting news, but let's just take one day at a time, eh?

With love,
S.R

Hi guys,

We're mid November now so here's an update on my goals:

• FInish my current contemporary romance (deadline Oct 2019)  DONE
• Publish contemporary romance (End of this year or sooner if all goes well!) EARLY TO MID 2020
• Start new contemporary romance project (deadline Oct 2019) TBS - To be started
• Return to editing book one of JJ Tales (Ongoing) STILL ONGOING

One goal met. Which is still progress, right?
"The hard part is done", as I like to say, but actually the hard part is far from being done.
I'm at the revision stage - the infamous hard part.

 To add a bit of context:
I've been going to a monumentous amount of stress these past couple of months (personal stuff) which seems to finally be improving now. On top of that, I've managed to complete a book somehow - which again, is great. However, the last couple of weeks has to be one of my lowest points in years (emotionally and creatively).

Whenever I recieve feedback on a draft, I do this thing where I sit there, address the main points and problem solve. I make notes upon notes upon notes and when I finally feel I've cracked the code to creating a clearer, smoother plot, I get really excited and contact my editor and it's all poppers and firework displays when I miraculously manage to pull it off.
But what about when I don't?
Have I ever spoken about what happens when I feel I've failed and have to go back to the drawing board?

Well...this.
I've avoided social media, solely for the fact that creatively I've had no drive, no inspiration, no faith and no silver lining. I can't bear to be exposed to the successes of other people in the writing community when I'm stuck in the mud.  I've constantly second guessed myself. Every day that's passed I've asked myself if I'm cut out to be a romance writer (meanwhile forgetting that others seen so much potential in me and that I've been acknowledged by editors before).
And I know people say "read a book, it might inspire you"...no, it doesn't.
It only succeeds in making me feel even more inadequate as a writer. It constantly has me comparing myself to the writer, telling myself I can never be as good, could ever write as flawlessly. Then I start to ask myself whether my writing is too basic or cliche (forgetting all about the good feedback I've recieved and hellbent on focusing on the bad).
It's depressing, I know. And I'm aware that the writing community has an equal balance of emotions, that creatives flock to twitter or facebook or wherever to share their sorrows, rejections, failures, successes, achievements...and I'm equally guilty of sharing moments of achievement and success...but I don't like to talk about my problems. I don't like exposing my hardships.
However, I think it helps to be honest with people, otherwise I'm not being real. 
Hence this post today in my protected space.
I have no idea who (or if anyone) reads my blog posts, so I could be venting to thin air for all I know, but it doesn't matter. What matters is I'm honest with whoever does stumble across my site or page and reads this. Honest that being a creative sounds hella fun, but has the hardest low points. Everyone deals differently.
For me, if I can't write, can't create or brainstorm then I retreat into myself. Question myself. Lose faith in myself. Until something helps me break out of it. 
​
Prior to my low point, two fellow writers spontaneously messaged me, and I learnt three things.
1) Someone loves my writing pictures - the ones where I always have a cup of tea or teapot nearby
2) Someone finds my writing updates motivational
3) Someone is looking forward to my stories

It's the simple nuggets of gold such as these which help me find the silver lining. That and the support from my close friends who understand all too well what it's like to suffer creatively.
Be assured that I'm inching closer to pulling myself out of this quick sand. I'll find my feet again and before long, you'll see me back to my usual optimistic self.
In the meantime, I'll be...problem solving.

I'll end it here with something for those who do like my writing space photos. Here's my latest one which is fairly new to me as it's a new desk with new thingamabobs (I have yet to utilise this new space properly!) Xxxx

Hi all!

I'm awfully proud of myself.
"Why?" I hear you ask?

For once, I'm ultra organsed and even had a mini epiphany this week.

I know for a long time I've considered myself a Fantasy Romance writer (and that's only because my current projects were of that genre and I hadn't envisioned writing anything else), however, those of you who follow me on social media will know I've been working on a contemporary romance recently. 

I've been so engrossed in this project that I've solidified my desire to get this book self-published...yes, it means...I will be relelasing my first contemporary romance this year!
There is so much excitement bubbling up inside me, not just because of this announcement, but because it means I can write whatever romance tickles my fancy in the future and not just stick to one category of romance - paranormal romance, thriller romance, time travel romance...you get the gist.

With this all in mind, I want to again provide a list of 'things I have to do' so it's clear what my plans are for the rest of the year (which I'm happy to share it with you all):

• FInish my current contemporary romance (deadline Oct 2019)
• Publish contemporary romance (End of this year or sooner if all goes well!)
• Start new contemporary romance project (deadline Oct 2019)
• Return to editing book one of JJ Tales (Ongoing)

Four seemingly 'simple' tasks on paper, but it will most definitely take me into next year. The largest project out of all of these has to be the JJ tales, because it's such a mammoth story with so much to work on and get right. It's my 4th draft so you can imagine I want to get it right this final time!

But yeah, the positives are there. I WILL get one book published this year and I'm so excited about it!

 Anyway, that's it for now. More to come soon, guys!!

S.R
​X

​Hi all,
 
It’s been a while but for once I’ll try to make this short and sweet!
 
Life has been throwing it’s lemons which I’ve been juggling whilst making lemonade all at the same time. Who said women can’t multi-task again?
 
Anyway, long story short, I’ve pressed pause on JJ tales for now as I’ve started working on a new project. This WIP is shorter and contemporary romance, very different from my JJ tales series. I was really struggling with the editing for a while creatively, so after much needed advice from a dear bestie and awesome writer, I decided to take the leap into something a bit out of my comfort zone.
 
It’s been going well so far. At the moment it’s a bit of fun and a hell of a lot of learning – I can’t complain! There isn’t really any knowing what will come of the project but I can assure you I will be jumping back into editing JJ tales very soon (as my characters are starting to drive me insane!)
 
Whilst we’re on the topic of the JJ tales, here’s the update I have at the moment. After much deliberation, I’ve decided to make another big change (aside from the whole rewrite) and change the titles.
Now, in the past whilst these titles have worked, it’s bothered me that they had no firm consistency as a series and therefore I’ve decided to give it more depth.
 
I won’t disclose the title for book one just yet, but I can happily say I love it already and can’t wait to share.
 
Anyway, that is as short and sweet as I can get right now! Back to lemon juggling/making I go!
 
S.R
x